Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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