Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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