My liver just broke up with me...
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
