hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
