ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
