I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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