I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize