sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
