I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize