My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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