I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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