I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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