I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
