my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
