Have you finally orgasmed yet?
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You pole danced in your parka.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
