It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
