I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
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