so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
