she woke up with a sticky ear
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
