You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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