Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
