It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
