I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I'm bleeding and have questions
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
