What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
im holly from the hills drunk
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
