the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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