TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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