Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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