I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
