I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Randomize
