So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
