I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Randomize
