oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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