There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
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6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
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If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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