woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
