i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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