My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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