I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
