a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
