is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
