It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize