It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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