btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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