Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
