Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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