How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
