hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
