So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
