I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
