in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Randomize
