Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Randomize