The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
bring money and cleavage
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize