it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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