Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
