Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
