it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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