I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
