That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
