I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
