I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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