I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
