i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
