I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
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I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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