I'm gonna have a badass scar
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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